This little nugget here is a relic from the dark ages of the early 2010s...and it shows. In those dark times when all the stories were the same and nobody seemed to notice, stories like this one popped up all the time. Strangely, while some books actually tried to have something original or unique about them, this one could be a used in a case study about "How Not To Write A YA Novel." Let's begin.
Donna Underwood has a tragic past in which her father was killed by mysterious faery creatures and her mother was driven insane. Not only that, but the attack and her subsequent recovery at the hands of "alchemists" (I am SO getting into that later), has left her arms permanently "disfigured" by beautiful, shiny, intricate filigree tattoos. If her "horrible disfigurement" wasn't enough to make Donna feel like a freak, getting homeschooled by alchemists and keeping secrets from her totally-in-one-sided-Ducky-love-with-her best friend Navin tips the scales. But soon she meets Xan, the sexy, mysterious, bad boy college drop-out whom she finds herself smitten with only to discover he might have a connection to the faeries that plague her hometown.
Now, here's what I just can't stand about these I-don't-give-a-crap-I'm-just-following-the-formula-to-get-rich stories: The concepts can be interesting if they'd been given more than the stupid formula to work with. A girl with super strength and iron power fighting faeries? This could be potential for a serious fantasy epic. But NOPE! We're stuck with a typical story about a forgettable, Lego-brick protagonist with no personality except moping and poor decisions whose life starts when he meets a man who is more than he seems and the ethnic third wheel stares on hopelessly as he's banished to the Friend Zone for all eternity. I mean it, there is nothing special about this book! Nothing at all. There's no heart, there's no originality, there's no real character in it. It just feels empty and you find yourself bored to tears by the end of chapter three.
The book, almost hilariously, makes all the mistakes that a book like this can make. This is exactly the kind of story that Awoken was making fun of. All of the characters are cardboard cut-outs of walking cliches. Donna has NO personality. All she does is complain. Now, granted, the stuff with her parents genuinely sucks, but moaning and groaning about her "freakish" tattoos? Those things are on the frigging cover, we know what they look like and, if someone had gone to my high school with their arms like that they wouldn't be considered a freak. They'd have been considered cool! You do realize that high schoolers think tattoos are cool, right? And even if she wants to wear the gloves to hide them, when people ask you about it, don't just refuse to answer and make yourself a victim like this dumb bimbo does. Just tell them you're a germaphobe or something! I swear, she is so cliched and borrowed that, when she shows her YA arm candy boyfriend her tattoos, I half-expected her to say, "This is the skin of a monster, Xan!"
Speaking of Xan, he has no personality either. He's just there to look pretty and make Donna look pretty too. He contributes next to nothing and is just there for Donna to hilariously moon over. Navin, the third wheel, is slightly more involved in that he's the damsel in distress for the story. Oh and since he's Indian, when Donna comes over to his house for dinner one night, of course they're having curry. Because what else would Indian-Americans eat for dinner!? That was really annoying. Throwing in the bullying cheerleader with the worst put-downs I've ever heard, a Dumbledore rip off and a Snape rip off, and a completely absent guardian and our cast of cliches is complete.
Now, let's talk about the alchemy part of this book, okay? The big "conflict" in this book, that being the big secret war going on that the Muggles of the world don't know about is faeries vs. alchemists. Alchemy is a really complex thing and a very interesting one. Using science and even mathematics to produce fantastical results like that of magic. In this book, however, it's just "real magic" as opposed to...whatever it is fake magic is supposed to be in this stupid world. They never really talk about what it is or what they do or how it works or...or anything! Donna is supposed to be learning about this stuff, but she just writes it off as "boring" and can't focus when they're actually talking about it because "I was too busy daydreaming about Xan's beautiful eyes." This was the point where I knew there was no legitimate hope for this book. Any potential that the inclusion of alchemy could have had is thrown out the window.
Lastly, the writing in this book is just not good. It's bad enough that it follows stupid trope characters and a boring rip-off idea, but this things is at least two-thirds fluff and one third plot. I'm serious, this thing actually forgets that it has a plot until page two hundred. And what do they do with it? Well, I don't think this counts as a spoiler because it's one the back friggin' cover but...Navin gets taken by faeries and Donna and Xan have to save him. Now, Donna has been living with trained, experienced alchemists for years now. Her aunt is one of them, her homeschool teacher is one of them, heck she even has an in with the archmaster himself. So, when she finds out her friend is kidnapped she...doesn't tell anyone, sneaks out at night, steals from her teacher, and tells nobody about what she's doing. Um...HELLO!? You could have had an army out to go and help you but NO! You just don't tell anybody for no good reason?! She doesn't even try! There is no reason she doesn't even attempt to get help from the Order. Sure, the more mature members of the Order might not have listened to her or cared about Navin but they'd want to know about FAERIES INVADING THE TOWN AT THE VERY LEAST! Even her aunt, who supposedly cares for her, would probably want to help out. But no. No, we just ignore the OBVIOUS HELP RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU BECAUSE YOU WANT TO LOOK GOOD FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND! URGH! Throw in some really pointless diary entries that had no purpose whatsoever and yeah, consider me done.
Final Verdict
Yuck. Just yuck. There's nothing redeemable about this book. There's so little effort in it that I just can't stand it. The plot is almost nonexistent, the characters are beyond weak, and this thing is just waiting to be thrown in the Waste Bin Of Despair.
Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Please make sure to Follow Midnight Readings for instant updates. Have a book you'd like me to read or would like to make a recommendation? Contact me on goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/65448711-michelle-beer
Next Time: Snow White and...the three dragons? Hm...I can get behind that.
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