Saturday, September 30, 2017

Death Note: Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases by Nisiosin



I'm starting Halloween a day early and bringing you the second Death Note novella: the Los Angeles BB Murder cases! Seeing as I really liked L: Change the World. I was eager to give this one a try. However, where the previous book was an action story, this one is a straight up murder mystery with all the complicated twists and turns you'd expect from Death Note. Let's begin.

Naomi Misora, an off duty FBI agent, never could have expected her time off would be interrupted by a message from none other than the world famous detective, L. L has taken a peculiar interest in a certain case going on in her home of LA, three suspicious and violent murders all taking place within the span of a few days, with the promise of a fourth on the way. Unable to turn down the offer to get back into the field, Naomi agrees to be L's eyes and hands on the case and get it solved before the next murder takes place. Her efforts aren't exactly helped (or are they?) by the appearance of a very strange private investigator who calls himself Ryuzaki.

This book, like Change the World before it, knows just the right amount of balance between what to bring in from the source material and what to make original. It's already noticeably darker than Change the World and, indeed, maybe even more than Death Note itself. The murders depicted in this book are very violent, something the manga didn't actually have despite all the death that took place in it. However, it knows better than to make the story a gore fest and keeps it on what made the source material such a success: the intelligence. Each murder is a puzzle that needs to be solved and the story does a good job at bringing the reader along for the ride. Naomi Misora is a great character to serve as our lead. She was a promising character from the manga (who was sadly underused) who makes quite a comeback in this story. She's savvy and smart and has a very likable personality. The book is also pretty good at not giving too much about her away, helping us to rediscover her as the story goes on.

The puzzles in this story are incredibly complex and, at some points, I did kind of wonder who would be able to even begin to solve these but then I thought: of course. L would. This really does give you an idea of what L's career was like before the events of the manga and you come to really believe that he'd be capable of solving a case as complicated as Kira's. The book is also written from the point of view of Mello, another favorite character, and one I was glad to hear more from. You get to know Mello a bit more from this book, how much he looked up to L and what being his successor meant to him. There's also the killer of the book, the mysterious Beyond Birthday, and the secret that binds him to both L and Kira. He makes for a great villain, and a deeply intimidating one.

While it is a pretty serious and violent book, it doesn't shy away from a bit of fun every now and then. This is L we're dealing with and his personality and mannerisms come through all throughout the story. Mello's commentary is riddled with interesting facts and tidbits from the Death Note universe as well as a lot of hate thrown at Kira and Near. Probably the only thing that kind of bothered me about this book, and I'm seriously nitpicking here....what the heck is with these names! Seriously, the names of these victims are just silly! Who in their right mind would name their child, their girl child Backyard Bottomslash?! You're just asking the other kids to make fun of them! I don't know if this was a translation thing or what but I seriously don't think that these could ever be real names of real people. But...then again...what do I know?

Final Verdict
Gripping, complex, entertaining, and just the perfect little gem for Death Note fans. With sinister twists leading up to the very last line of the book, this story is thrilling, fun and defiantly worth your money at your local bookstore.

Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Have a book you'd like me to read or would like to make a recommendation? Contact me on goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/65448711-michelle-beer

Next Time: These ladies make Regina George look like a sweet angel....

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Snow Like Ashes by Sara Raasch




The idea of worlds or kingdoms based on the four seasons is actually a neat idea and can open up a lot of possibilities for stories. This one, however, doesn't really utilize the idea and just kinda jumps all over the place. We barely even see the Season kingdoms in this friggin' book. Well, before I go off on a tangent, let's just dive right in.

Meira has lived her whole life as a refugee after her home of Winter was devastated and defeated by the neighboring Spring kingdom. With their numbers dwindling by the day and the rest of their people enslaved, Meira and her group of refugees, which includes Winter's future king, must seek help from one of the Rhythm kingdoms, the enemies of the Seasons. Meira is quickly thrown into a world of politics, secrets, and betrayal as she does everything in her power to restore Winter and see her people set free.

There are times in this book where I thought it had potential. Meira, as the main character, actually is a good representation of this. She can be cheeky and has some good one-liners in here that got a genuine chuckle out of me and there are times when she does what she knows is best, even if it's not what she wants. Other times, however, she just throws it all out the window and throws an enormous tantrum and almost spoils everything. She also often balances between doing things and just having things done to her and reacting to it. And she definitely suffered from Special Snowflake Syndrome (kinda fitting actually) with being just so good at all kinds of things (including mastery of a really complicated, doesn't-work-like-you-think-it-does weapon like the chakram) and being just an amazing super someone instead of someone normal that the audience might actually relate to (although it is nice to have a main character who isn't just the biggest lover of books ever, as you so often find in these stories).

Now, the plot does move along pretty well. The political aspects of the story hold up pretty well. But most of all this story has...dare I say it...a good love triangle! (*le gasp*) Both boys, Mather and Theron, make for a potentially good match for Meira. In fact, she could end up with either one of them and I don't think anyone would mind either way. Unfortunately, the YA-trope-curse rears it's ugly head here as well, leading to a couple of really unbearable cock-fights between the two boys. Thankfully, those don't last too long as the plot sticks to what's important, that being the restoration of the Winter Kingdom.

Some of the things in this book kind of left me scratching my head. Apparently there's a big pit of magic just sitting around somewhere in the mountains that everyone wants. Okay...why? Where did it come from? How does it work? And there's an evil force called the Decay that infects the Spring King and makes him evil. Again, where did it come from? Why does it need the king? There's just a lot of unanswered questions. Also the big twist at the end could be seen from a mile away (the foreshadowing in this book isn't very good), the ending is kind of vague, and the fact that all the people from all the seasons all have matching hair and eye color seems a bit too on-the-nose. Still, the characters hold up okay, the pace is good, and there are things in here that people will enjoy.

Final Verdict
There are some who will like this book, but for me it was just kind of meh. While there is stuff to enjoy, some of the flaws are pretty prominent but if you don't mind them then go ahead and check it out but maybe wait for it on paperback.

Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Have a book you'd like me to read or would like to make a recommendation? Contact me on goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/65448711-michelle-beer

Next Time: It's almost October! Let's get the month of fear started off with a tale of murder...and the return of the world's greatest detective.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

The Silver Portal by David J. Normoyle



Now, here's something I've been missing for a long time. No cliche dystopian worlds, no boring love triangles, no rebellion plot lines we've read a hundred times...just adventure. A straight up, classic-style adventure with good characters and cool ideas. Let's begin.

In an attempt to thwart the plans of the evil Lord Protector, who plans to bring powers untold into the land of Mageles in order to obtain an army, the Soylant wizards created the weapons of power that together will destroy him. But the spell to create the weapons goes array and they land in the hands of five youths. A street rat named Twig, a so-called "adventurer", a pampered noble girl, a sinful passivist, and a boy without a tribe are all granted great power by the weapons and are thus thrust into  a quest they do not understand, or do not want. But only their combined powers can stop the coming evil and close the silver portal once and for all.

The book's greatest challenge was that if followed the story of not one, but five (and at one point six) protagonists. What's brilliant is that I remember them all, each of them is well developed and I had no problem recalling where they come from or what their story is. It's also pretty well spaced out between them. We never sit for too long with one character and nobody feels neglected. It's also wonderful that these characters are all fun and interesting, but also perfectly flawed. None of them are perfect little Sues or Stus that just get away with everything they try and master the power of their weapons easily. One of them is kind of a playboy, one has difficulty understanding human emotions, one of them is very naive, you get it. Each of the five stories is pulls you in and makes you care about the characters and want to see them come out okay.

The set up of this world is also very well done. You get a feeling for each of these locations and how they differ from one another. You really get a feeling that this is a world. It has a multitude of cultures, religions, governments, etc. Each region is unique and feels organic and also helps to set up the kinds of lives our heroes have lived up until we meet them. There's also that fact that the weapons themselves are super cool. A sword that grants you speed, a ring that lets you hear people's thoughts, a bow that shoots arrows of pure energy, and axe that gives you inhuman strength, and a staff that creates portals. It's also kind of fun seeing which weapon goes to which character and how these affect them and drive them forward in the story.

The tone of the book is also very light and easy to follow, which is again an accomplishment when reading a book with so many points of view. It's light without being goofy and also allows quiet moments and intense scenes as well, balancing them all out nicely. It knows when to take things seriously and when it's okay for Lukin to crack a joke. It knows when it's time to start fighting and when it's time to sit down and talk. This made things flow very nicely and made the story feel well-balanced.

Now, it wasn't a perfect book by any means. There were a few character deaths that, I admit, I didn't really feel or didn't bother me. It's not that the deaths weren't sad it's just...we didn't know the characters that well and so when they died, I wasn't all that affected by it. Also the ending might rub some people the wrong way. Now, it's not a bad ending exactly. It has everything you want with fights and spells and slaying dragons and a ton of really cool stuff. It was really awesome but then it didn't end so much as it just stopped. Just...came to a screeching halt and left the audience hanging. Not the most endearing way to end things, guys. Still, I actually did get me hyped for the sequel so...there's that at least.

Final Verdict
A fun adventure with great characters and cool weapons and a straight-forward yet amusing plot. Any fantasy reader would like this book, would enjoy these characters and, if they want to read it, it's totally worth your money at your local bookstore.

Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Have a book you'd like me to read or would like to make a recommendation? Contact me on goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/65448711-michelle-beer

Next Time: Brace yourselves....Spring is coming....(wait, what?)

Saturday, September 16, 2017

The Breaking Light by Heather Hansen



Ugh. Let's get this over with. This one was really, really a chore this time people! I'm not kidding. It took force to get myself through this one. Not only is it painfully boring, not only is it contrived, but it doesn't even try to hide the fact that it's just a retelling of one of the oldest and most well known stories of all time...IN SPAAAACE! Let's begin.

Arden is a drug dealing gangster living in Undercity, the part of a colonized city on the surface of...I don't know, some planet that's not Earth, where the sun never shines and everyone is suffering. Dade is a privileged son of the Higher Levels, where he lives in the lap of luxury but has his fate controlled by his family. Both Arden's gang and Dade's family are caught in a desperate conflict for control of the city, destroying each other over the coveted sun drug VitD and both sides have vowed to destroy each other...which makes it most inconvenient when Arden and Dade fall madly in love with each other.

Yeah, you'll notice a lot of little things start to pop up in this story that seem oddly familiar. Two feuding families, a boy and a girl from each falling in love, a friendly holy man who tries to help them, them meeting up at a masquerade party....figure it out yet? Yup. This is Romeo and Juliet in space. The book does whatever it can to try and hide that too. This time it's Romeo who is running from an arranged marriage and Juliet who ends up killing people. Now, I wouldn't mind if this was just a retelling of Romeo and Juliet. I wouldn't mind it at all...if it weren't for the fact that the book would just admit that it was a retelling! I've looked at several different descriptions about this thing and nowhere does it just admit that this is Romeo and Juliet in space! Nowhere! Also, if you're going to make a retelling of a story this famous at least try and be subtle about it. I could never accept this as its own thing because it was so painfully, blatantly obvious that I just got distracted by the obvious rip-off scenes happening all over the place. Except for that piece of crap ending, but I'll get to that later....

Despite it being a rip off of Shakespeare of all things, this book has a ton of other problems. The instalove in this book is just laughable. Page one, page fricking one, she has a knife to his throat and all they can think about is how hot the other person is! Every second they are not in each others company, they are pining for each other. They constantly worry about each other and dwell on each other and think of how they can save each other...and they've only had one conversation in which they shared nothing about each other. Yeah, they know absolutely nothing about each other, they don't really have anything in common, and yet they are unbelievably and inexplicably in love with each other and go on and on about it ridiculously written, gag-inducing prose. Even as a Romeo and Juliet retelling this...does...not...work! It's silly and so unbelievably stupid that we can't take the main characters seriously. Nobody falls in love like this. In a play, you only have so much time to start a romance but in a novel you can take your time and develop them! This kind of crap just makes your characters look like idiots and we can't get behind their relationship.

Also, the plot tries to clash the play's story with that of a tired, deeply cliche dystopian story that we've heard a thousand times the same way. Plus, you knew exactly which roles certain characters play in the book. You have the sassy gay friend (or cousin or whatever), you have the muscle who helps the boy, you have the conniving mean girl, it's all so tired and I just couldn't give a crap about any of them. Heck, I don't think that the muscle guy even has more than five lines in this thing and we're still supposed to care about him. If you know the play, which everyone does, and you are familiar with YA cliches, which a lot of people do, it comes together to form a story that nothing but formulaic and boring! I was unbelievably bored looking into this book. Nothing came as a surprise. No plot twist or character death was felt in this thing. I didn't care about anyone or anything and that was the biggest problem with the book.

Now...let's get to the ending. I don't feel like this deserves it but, I'll put a spoiler warning up just in case anyway...

*SPOILER ALERT* So, death plays a big part in the story of Romeo and Juliet. Heck, everyone knows the iconic ending of the play. In the context of that play, the deaths of Romeo and Juliet is a bitter lesson for the two families and they see just how destructive their feud is and how the tragedy is a warning of the mixture of pride and adolescence. Here, however....all that significance is thrown straight out the window for the heroic and super dumb YA ending where the deaths were just fake outs and the two main characters brace themselves for an obvious sequel. That's right, this Romeo and Juliet retelling...has a sequel. That's stupid. It's all stupid! This book is so unbelievably STUPID! Romeo and Juliet is a TRAGEDY! It's right there in the frigging TITLE! It's not about ultimate love, it's about how pride and youth are a dangerous combination and, if not handled properly, can have horrible consequences! But this piece of tripe, it's bland love that saves the day...except not really because their families are still fighting and how they have nowhere to go. These two lovers still know absolutely nothing about each other except how frigging in love they are and I just...just...arrgh! This ending just pissed me off like you wouldn't believe! *END OF SPOILERS*

Final Verdict
I absolutely hated this book. I don't even like Romeo and Juliet all that much and this made it even worse! Seriously folks, it's a waste of time. If you have any interest at all in this thing, just pick up Shakespeare and throw this thing where it belongs in the Waste Bin of Despair!

Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Have a book you'd like me to read or would like to make a recommendation? Contact me on goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/65448711-michelle-beer

Next Time: I have got to get me...one of each of these weapons because these are legit!

Monday, September 11, 2017

Ruined by Amy Tintera



While I'm glad that Game of Thrones and other such stories have breathed new life into fantasy epics in this modern time, it can be both a blessing and a curse. The blessing is we get new and innovative ideas and brand new adventures involving politics and intrigue and danger, while the curse is getting boring tripe like this dished out to us. Let's just dive in.

Emelina Flores has lost her kingdom and her family to the neighboring kingdom of Lera. Hoping for a chance to save her only family left, her sister Olivia, she infiltrates the Lera kingdom disguised as the princess their prince is meant to marry. As the prince's betrothed Em can save what's left of her people, the powerful Ruined race, rescue her sister, and bring justice to the kingdom that caused her so much grief. It is unfortunate, therefore, that her new husband is kind and thoughtful and just a wonderful person and she starts to develop real feelings for him while also planning the destruction of his whole family.

Now, the concept has promise, it really does. That's why I picked this book up to begin with. There was hope for this book. Sadly, that hope just goes straight out the window because the entire execution of this concept is so horribly BLAND! I'm sorry but...I was very bored throughout this whole thing. Nothing came as a surprise. Everything was predictable. Everything just...fell short! Em as a main character was crazy forgettable. The book tries to make her this big deal by making her tough and have her kill people and constantly think up plans on how she'd kill everyone in the room...but her personality is as vapid as they come. Oh, and she's a terrible spy! She can't help herself from saying things that the person she's imitating would never say. She goes out of her way to defend the Ruined and practically announces to everyone that she's a Ruined supporter...in a castle full of people who want the Ruined exterminated. Real smooth, lady.  Cas, the prince, is as generic as they come. He's raised in this family that openly hates the Ruined and yet he sympathizes with them and totally agrees with everything Em says. How can he be such a person when raised in an environment that teaches nothing but hate towards the Ruined? Because the plot said so, that's why.

If bland is the first word I'd use to describe this book, the second would be vague. This book can be incredibly vague about everything from geography to what exactly the Ruined can do. What are the Ruined powers, what exactly can they do or can't do....I have no bloody clue. Is it like telekinesis? Kind of. Some can control elements...I think? Yeah, we're given no inkling about different types of Ruined there are, what stages of power they possess, what's possible or impossible for them...nothing. And Em doesn't have any powers and is labeled as useless...why? Why is she useless? We don't know. We're never told. Also, there's a lot of talk about these different countries and how they are set up but...there's no map with this book. This book needs a map. Because I have no idea where they're going or which direction there is or how the land is set up. They start talking about Lera being set up in a jungle and...they never even mentioned it was in a jungle before. How far south is it compared to Vallos, it's supposed neighbor that's a two day carriage ride away, when Vallos is apparently a forest and has snow? Like I said. MAP!

Lastly, there's just not anything new in this book. It tries to be edgy and dark by killing characters and describing violence...but the violence happens offscreen (or off page or whatever) and the characters that are killed are ones we don't care about. This book clearly wanted to be mature...but not too mature. I held itself back and fit itself into YA standards that said we can't make it too grown up and scare away the teenage girls who could be made into potential Em/Cas shippers.

Final Verdict
Far too tame to be taken seriously, too predictable to be interesting, too little and way too late. I don't know, some people might like it but it's just not for me. If you really wanna check it out...then save your cash and check it out at your local library.

Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Have a book you'd like me to read or would like to make a recommendation? Contact me on goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/65448711-michelle-beer

Next Time: For never has there been a tale of more woe than that of a drug dealer and her Shmomeo.

Thursday, September 7, 2017

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern


Circus's aren't quite what they used to be, what with the Ringling Brothers Circus closing down a few months ago and such acts becoming scarcer and scarcer as years go by. However, if they were more like this place, I think they might just make a comeback. Morgenstern builds a world in which magic not only exists, but it's available to be viewed by the masses.

Le Cirque des Rêves is a fantastical world in which eager patrons can come and witness true magic without ever really knowing what they're seeing. The breathing carousel, the Ice Garden that never melts, the human statues, the lingering smell of caramel and popcorn all creates an amazing experience which some people can't seem to get enough of. But there is more going on at the Circus than they might think. The Cirque is a battleground in which two young illusionists, Celia and Marco, are pitted against one another by their mentors in a test of endurance to see which of the two of them will be victorious. But the binding of these two magicians creates a bond far beyond that of competitors and the Cirque and everyone involved in it are put in potential danger as the game becomes more and more dangerous.

The prose in this book is just astounding. The author's voice perfectly depicts the amazing feelings of being in the circus and the feats you see within it. The black-and-white Burtonesque feel that the circus has is portrayed very well in several second-person chapters in which you take a personal journey through the circus and guiding you through the experience. The descriptions of magic and what it does and can do in this world are also very interesting. You can bottle the sensation of being in a certain place, you can have your future read in the stars and your past read off your face, materials can reshape themselves into animals and you can see just how much magic can influence the circus.

As for the plot, the concept of it is certainly interesting. Celia is brought up by her arrogant father and Marco by the mysterious Mr. A.H. (unfortunate initials, I know) and yet find themselves coming together despite being pitted against one another. You quickly get a knack for these characters and what they can do and how they become an intricate part of the circus. Celia is kind but stubborn (especially in regards to her father) and doesn't take crap from people. Marco is clever and charming and can manipulate the circus without actually being there. There is a large cast of performers and managers that add a lot of color to the black-and-white circus, including an enigmatic contortionist, a pair of twin kitten tamers, and the eccentric owner Chandresh Christophe Lefèvre. I also really liked the idea of the rêveurs, a kind of cirque fan club that makes it their goal to follow the circus as often as possible.

The one complaint I've seen about this book is that the pacing was a bit too slow and, while I see where people are coming from in saying that, I didn't really have a problem with that. It is very Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell-esque in that it takes its time and develops a lot of characters and not just our two leads. The story at large takes place over roughly thirty years in the lives of Celia and Marco, before the Cirque even exists, and expands through to the end of the competition. While some might have hoped that magicians fighting would be a bombastic event full of magical explosions and such, I'm going to warn you right now that you won't be getting that (though there is at least one explosion). The magic in this book, while impressive, is also very subtle. It's meant to be the kind of thing that amazes muggle eyes yet is quiet enough that they can believe that it is just another deception. The tension as Celia and Marco grow closer to one another is palpable and requires time and energy, which this book gives. While Marco is very impressed with Celia the moment they meet, their romance takes years to develop, which is something that I value having read as many YA instal-love stories as I have.

Note: I certainly hope that this review does not warrant knife-throwing.

Final Verdict
This book promises magic and it gives it to us. Descriptions and prose that are positively palpable, an eccentric cast, a subtle and complex plot make this book definitely one for the Shelf of Recommendation!

Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Have a book you'd like me to read or would like to make a recommendation? Contact me on goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/65448711-michelle-beer

Next time: Sometimes, love can just Ruin everything....

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Winemaker of the North by J.T. Williams



Don't let the title fool you: this isn't about fantasy characters getting tipsy and having fun. This is thrilling, enchanting, nail-biting, and surprisingly heartfelt fantasy adventure about a man learning to let go of what he's taught and daring to believe in what is right.

Sviska is an assassin, raised by the Order, to carry out their wishes and execute whomever they send him to. When one such assignment is botched, he is then sent on a "succeed-or-die" mission to the mysterious city of Elianthrond. In this city, magic, something he'd been raised to believe is blasphemy, runs rampant and he meets dwarves, elves, dragon tamers and many more. Sviska learns that he's to pose as their new winemaker, who is really more of a potion-brewer, to create a special wine to save the inhabitants from a curse threatening to destroy them all. Sviska quickly finds himself torn, unsure if he is to serve the Order he's been bound to all his life, or save the one place in all the world that has ever felt like home.

With the main character being an assassin, I was glad to see that there is more to Sviska as a character than just a heartless killing machine. He's very human, something most characters in this profession don't tend to be. He's curious, he's jumpy, he's polite, and he allows himself to feel lost and no longer in control when put in a situation he doesn't understand. He's a very realistic character that way, he's capable of realistic emotion and you feel as he does. I really enjoyed Sviska's character and was happy to be going through this journey with him.

The city and inhabitants of Elianthrond are also very well written. These creatures and the people who live in this place make for a great community. When you see just how devastating this curse is that afflicts them, you really come to feel for them and want them to get the help they need. Not to mention that certain aspects of this place are actually really cool. Priests are warriors, dragons are pets, mermaids and sirens are surprisingly helpful (unless you cross them), dwarves make great drinking buddies, ogres make awesome barbecue (not as suspicious as it sounds), it's just a really fun place. As Sviska falls in love with it and wants to help those who live there, you do as well. There's also a great mythological set up to this place. The history and mythos are well-established and you come to really feel for this place.

Now, those things being said, there were times when the tone suffered in this thing. There were long stretches of just relaxing or traveling and then lengthy battles that just kind of pop up. Still, I never felt lost as I can sometimes do when there is too much action or feel bored when things slow down. I was also a little worried in the beginning because this story could very easily gone through a "liar revealed" plot line where the person who isn't who they say they are is outed and all of a sudden they're a traitor and nobody listens to what they have to say, even if it'll save their lives (looking at you, A Bug's Life). Thankfully, while there is a tiny bit of that, it is resolved very quickly and mostly forgotten by the next chapter. You have no idea how grateful I was for this. The "liar revealed" is a story cliche that just drives me up the wall so to see it handled well just makes me happy.

The ending of the book did come off as a little rushed, trying to establish what is coming next in the series while wrapping up a pretty intense battle. They try to throw in a long, lost friend/rival that they never brought up before which could have used a bit more attention or foreshadowing or...anything really because it kind of came out of left field but, overall I felt it was a solid start to a series.

Final Verdict
Great world-building, a sympathetic yet strong lead, a lively ensemble, and an action packed plot made for quite the adventure in this book. If this is your thing, I'd say check it out because it's worth your money at your local bookstore!

Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Have a book you'd like me to read or would like to make a recommendation? Contact me on goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/65448711-michelle-beer

Next Time: If this circus ever comes to town, shut up and take my money!