Ugh. Let's get this over with. This one was really, really a chore this time people! I'm not kidding. It took force to get myself through this one. Not only is it painfully boring, not only is it contrived, but it doesn't even try to hide the fact that it's just a retelling of one of the oldest and most well known stories of all time...IN SPAAAACE! Let's begin.
Arden is a drug dealing gangster living in Undercity, the part of a colonized city on the surface of...I don't know, some planet that's not Earth, where the sun never shines and everyone is suffering. Dade is a privileged son of the Higher Levels, where he lives in the lap of luxury but has his fate controlled by his family. Both Arden's gang and Dade's family are caught in a desperate conflict for control of the city, destroying each other over the coveted sun drug VitD and both sides have vowed to destroy each other...which makes it most inconvenient when Arden and Dade fall madly in love with each other.
Yeah, you'll notice a lot of little things start to pop up in this story that seem oddly familiar. Two feuding families, a boy and a girl from each falling in love, a friendly holy man who tries to help them, them meeting up at a masquerade party....figure it out yet? Yup. This is Romeo and Juliet in space. The book does whatever it can to try and hide that too. This time it's Romeo who is running from an arranged marriage and Juliet who ends up killing people. Now, I wouldn't mind if this was just a retelling of Romeo and Juliet. I wouldn't mind it at all...if it weren't for the fact that the book would just admit that it was a retelling! I've looked at several different descriptions about this thing and nowhere does it just admit that this is Romeo and Juliet in space! Nowhere! Also, if you're going to make a retelling of a story this famous at least try and be subtle about it. I could never accept this as its own thing because it was so painfully, blatantly obvious that I just got distracted by the obvious rip-off scenes happening all over the place. Except for that piece of crap ending, but I'll get to that later....
Despite it being a rip off of Shakespeare of all things, this book has a ton of other problems. The instalove in this book is just laughable. Page one, page fricking one, she has a knife to his throat and all they can think about is how hot the other person is! Every second they are not in each others company, they are pining for each other. They constantly worry about each other and dwell on each other and think of how they can save each other...and they've only had one conversation in which they shared nothing about each other. Yeah, they know absolutely nothing about each other, they don't really have anything in common, and yet they are unbelievably and inexplicably in love with each other and go on and on about it ridiculously written, gag-inducing prose. Even as a Romeo and Juliet retelling this...does...not...work! It's silly and so unbelievably stupid that we can't take the main characters seriously. Nobody falls in love like this. In a play, you only have so much time to start a romance but in a novel you can take your time and develop them! This kind of crap just makes your characters look like idiots and we can't get behind their relationship.
Also, the plot tries to clash the play's story with that of a tired, deeply cliche dystopian story that we've heard a thousand times the same way. Plus, you knew exactly which roles certain characters play in the book. You have the sassy gay friend (or cousin or whatever), you have the muscle who helps the boy, you have the conniving mean girl, it's all so tired and I just couldn't give a crap about any of them. Heck, I don't think that the muscle guy even has more than five lines in this thing and we're still supposed to care about him. If you know the play, which everyone does, and you are familiar with YA cliches, which a lot of people do, it comes together to form a story that nothing but formulaic and boring! I was unbelievably bored looking into this book. Nothing came as a surprise. No plot twist or character death was felt in this thing. I didn't care about anyone or anything and that was the biggest problem with the book.
Now...let's get to the ending. I don't feel like this deserves it but, I'll put a spoiler warning up just in case anyway...
*SPOILER ALERT* So, death plays a big part in the story of Romeo and Juliet. Heck, everyone knows the iconic ending of the play. In the context of that play, the deaths of Romeo and Juliet is a bitter lesson for the two families and they see just how destructive their feud is and how the tragedy is a warning of the mixture of pride and adolescence. Here, however....all that significance is thrown straight out the window for the heroic and super dumb YA ending where the deaths were just fake outs and the two main characters brace themselves for an obvious sequel. That's right, this Romeo and Juliet retelling...has a sequel. That's stupid. It's all stupid! This book is so unbelievably STUPID! Romeo and Juliet is a TRAGEDY! It's right there in the frigging TITLE! It's not about ultimate love, it's about how pride and youth are a dangerous combination and, if not handled properly, can have horrible consequences! But this piece of tripe, it's bland love that saves the day...except not really because their families are still fighting and how they have nowhere to go. These two lovers still know absolutely nothing about each other except how frigging in love they are and I just...just...arrgh! This ending just pissed me off like you wouldn't believe! *END OF SPOILERS*
Final Verdict
I absolutely hated this book. I don't even like Romeo and Juliet all that much and this made it even worse! Seriously folks, it's a waste of time. If you have any interest at all in this thing, just pick up Shakespeare and throw this thing where it belongs in the Waste Bin of Despair!
Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Have a book you'd like me to read or would like to make a recommendation? Contact me on goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/65448711-michelle-beer
Next Time: I have got to get me...one of each of these weapons because these are legit!
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