Wednesday, June 7, 2017
A Quest of Heroes by Morgan Rice
Allow me to begin exactly where this story also beings: with a little farm boy staring off into the two suns and wishing for more than his simple farming life. Doesn't that sound even a little familiar to anyone? Well, get used to familiarity in this thing because, I'm telling you, this one is a doozy. Let's just start.
Young Thorgin longs for more out of life and so runs away to join the Legion of Royal Knights to become a squire and one day, hopefully, a knight himself and achieve fame and fortune and glory and stuff. But Thor is more than he seems and has powers that astound and amaze everyone in the King's Court, winning him favor with some and discord among others. But there's a plot in motion and conspiracies all around in the castle and it's up to Thor to save the day for he is a destined hero meant to lead the world into prosperity...or something.
You know when people say, "every cliche in the book"? I think this is the book they're talking about. This book has everything that's completely cliche! Every tired idea, every exhausted phrase, every overused plot line and story arc that you've seen a million times is all here. It's like Mad Libs taken seriously. Instead of filling the blanks with funny words making the story sound ridiculous, you add in every fantasy-related trope and word you can think of and this is what you come up with! Oh, and it steals from every preexisting fantasy story out there, from Star Wars to King Arthur to Harry Potter (it even has the "you have your mother's eyes" line in here! Who are you trying to fool!?)
I've made it no surprise that I loath the Mary-Sue trope you find in YA novels, but here we have her slightly-harder-to-find brother, Gary-Stu. Thor is a Gary-Stu to the letter! He has little to no personality of his own, he does little and achieves great praise, he's "different from all the others", he has little to no flaws, people praise him as "brave" and "honorable" and but he's completely unaware of this and talks himself down all the time, he's raised by an abusive foster parent yet he's not mentally scarred at all, I could SERIOUSLY go on but I need to stop. I couldn't connect with Thor because I couldn't get over what a cookie-cutter character he was and how overly praised he was and how EASILY things happen to him. There's even a scene where he just goes off to pee and he finds a mystical magical creature who automatically becomes his new best friend and companion and the others see this as an amazing omen. Are you kidding me!? This kid can't even PEE without the story pointing out how super-special-awesome he his! It's just ridiculous.
As bad as Thor is, there really isn't any other character in this book who isn't just as generic as he is. You have your princess who falls in love in three seconds and wants "more out of life" (insert our own Disney song here). You have your paranoid, racist, closet gay prince who was snubbed for the throne and plots his revenge and his who-do-you-think-you're-fooling boyfriend. Your wise, old, frustratingly cryptic wizard who knows all the answers but doesn't tell you because he's kind of a douche like that. Your wise, good king who cares about his people and his family and who you just know is going to be assassinated at any second, the list goes on and on. Oh and don't get me started on the prophetic dreams, the Sword of Destiny that only the Chosen One can lift (yes, seriously), the bully that turns ally (*cough* DUDLEY*cough*) and the bully trying to take away the princess (*cough*DRACO*cough*). It's the same kind of story that we've seen a million times the same way.
As bad as all this is, I didn't really get mad at this story. Mostly, I just found it hilarious for all the wrong reasons. Then, sadly, came the ending. Now, off all these tropes, all the cliches that this book has, it just HAD to end on the worst of the worst. The cliche that I hate most. The one thing that always makes for the worst part of any story, book, movie, anything. The Misunderstanding! That stupid little thing that is taken way out of proportion and causes everyone to turn their back on the protagonist so they have to go away and mope and....urgh! I hate the Misunderstanding so much and it's always the most painful part to get through. So for this book to END on a Misunderstanding just ruined everything and left the worst taste in my mouth once it was over.
For reasons of sheer hilarity alone, I was actually thinking of putting this book slightly higher than it deserved. But going over all the problems and, again, that piece of crap ending, I'm sad to say that this book really does belong in the Waste Bin of Despair!
Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Have a book that you want me to review or would like to make a recommendation? Contact me on goodreads at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/65448711-michelle-beer
Next Time: Saving people. Hunting things. Making it back in time for tea. Just another day, emmiright?