Sunday, March 19, 2017

Confessions of a Murder Suspect by James Patterson & Maxine Paetro

It looks like we're 0 for 2 in my reviews of James Patterson books. I gave this one a try despite not liking Witch & Wizard because I thought that, since the crime/mystery genre was more Patterson's style, this would be an improvement. Not so much. Let's just get started, shall we?

Young child prodigy Tandoori Angel (ugh, these names) and her siblings wake up one night to find that their parents have been killed. The police and the media are hot on the case and they all seem to believe that one of the Angel children must be responsible for their deaths. Tandy (ugh) must conduct an investigation of her own if she's to clear her name and the names of her brothers before one of them is arrested for murder.

Yeah, this one has a lot of problems. The first being that it's not much of a mystery. Right from the start you can guess what happens and you're probably right. The rest of the book is just trying to distract you from the fact that you already know what the answer to the mystery is! And this book tries a lot of things to try and make you overlook how easy this mystery is to solve. It throws a ton of stuff at you like a plethora of unpleasant non-suspects, weird conspiracies, out of nowhere plot twists, and none of them stick. No matter how hard this book tried to sell me something, nothing stuck.

Also, the character of Tandy, apart from having a stupid name, is a cardboard cut-out Mary Sue. Because she's a prodigy, she automatically can do anything and everything that apparently fully capable adults can't seem to do. Not to mention when she's not bland as unbuttered toast, she's unbearably smug and annoying. In fact, all the kids in this family are annoying. They all have serious issues and it's really no wonder that the police suspect these kids. Even the annoying twelve-year-old is capable of murder! And while I'm at it, this family is just crazy! The punishments and expectations that these kids go through is just bizarre! I know this a family of really rich pharmaceutical company tycoons but these prizes they give these kids include extravagant vacations (for just one of them, the rest of the kids are left behind!) and weird statues that they name and talk to and a freaking shark in a freaking tank! Who lives like this!?

But the biggest problem with the book is the writing. It's just written so pretentiously and in a manner that almost talks down to its audience. It's written from Tandy's point of view and she has a very nasty habit of telling everything and showing nothing. Some observations of the crime just go straight over her supposedly super smart head and the audience is stuck with her brooding and irrelevant thoughts. She goes on and on saying, "Oh, I can do this." and "I obviously know how to do that" instead of just freaking showing us! Let us figure stuff out for a change...except for the mystery that we figured out in all of three seconds!

Final Verdict
This story was just an annoying bore! Seriously, I wouldn't be so hard on it if it wasn't one of the most bestselling and highest paid authors of the day, but since it is, I'm going to be hard on it. I don't know if this is because he worked with a co-writer or if he's really just not very good, but either way this one is going into the Waste Bin of Despair.

Have you read the book? What did you think? Comment below and share your thoughts. Also, check out my goodreads page at

Next Time: Remember, it's only a game....

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