Monday, September 5, 2016
Tiger's Curse by Colleen Houck
Y'know when you're going to a new restaurant, you try it out and think "Huh. Well, that was alright. Not exactly horrible, but not my favorite." then you go home and you have diarrhea for three days. That's this book. For me. This was the upset stomach of books for me. When I put this book down, I really did think it was just okay. I didn't think anything of it, really. But the more I dwelt on it, the more it just started to tick me off!
Summary time: The story is of a young Oregon girl named Kelsey, who gets a temporary job at circus where she meets a white tiger named Ren. It turns out that Ren is actually an ancient Indian prince who was cursed to be a tiger after he and his brother got in a fight over a girl. And so it falls to Kelsey to help Ren break this 300 year old curse and so on and so forth.
Okay, it's a little more complicated than that. I just don't care. Yeah, this is another bad one. This is yet another wish fulfillment book, where it truly feels the author is building a fantastical story around themselves to make up for the fact that they live in Oregon! The character of "Kelsey" is a perfect example of a Mary Sue. For those who don't know what a Mary Sue is, it's a character that's really just the author plopping themselves into the story, who is perfect enough to not have any genuine flaws, but bland enough that any teenage girl who picks up the book can slip themselves into the story as well.
Also, this is just Twilight with tigers. It really is! You will find all the stereotypical tropes that have been associated with paranormal romances in this book. The handsome, extraordinary man falling for the plain Jane. The plain Jane being some extraordinary something-or-other who is the only one who...blah blah blah. Equally handsome third wheel, etc. etc. Also, being the oh-so-special somebody that Kelsey apparently is, she gets an all expenses paid trip to India, where she's treated like a friggin' princess and breaking the curse basically involves going to all of India's biggest tourist traps and solving puzzles you'd find in a particularly boring Zelda level! Like the Water Temple. Three times!
What I can't get my head around is that Kelsey is apparently the chosen hero of this ancient Hindu goddess, which is how she can break Ren's curse. The problem is...why is the chosen hero of a Hindu goddess some agnostic Caucasian girl from Oregon! Wouldn't it make just a little more sense if the chosen hero of an Indian goddess was...oh, I don't know...INDIAN!?
Last rant before the Final Verdict, I promise. Finally, we get introduced to our super-special-handsome-wonderful-fantastical third point of our love triangle, Ren's brother Kishan. Now, Kelsey knows that this whole curse thing started because the two brothers fought over a girl. So, when Kishan, creeper that he is, starts coming on to Kelsey (because of COURSE he would) and Ren gets annoyed about it, Kelsey get's on Ren's case for being rude! History is friggin' repeating itself and Kishan is being a total creep and here's Kelsey, giggling and twittering like an airhead. This situation is identical to what got these idiots in this mess in the first place and here you are like "Tee hee hee! You're so sweet! Tee hee hee!" You are the reason we have to put warning labels on stupid things nowadays.
You know what's coming. The blatant Mary Sue and her idiotic love interests, the wish fulfillment storyline, the lack of anything realistic or likable about anyone or anything means this thing is going straight into the Waste Bin of Despair! I know a lot of people like this book but...no. Just no. The answer is no. Don't bother, you're better off without it.
Next time: Gee, I wonder if she'll win.